Simon's Blog

Today at college it is the 5th Wednesday of the month when we get some time out from the hustle and bustle of the normal college calendar to spend in silence reflecting – after a cooked breakfast that is…….This month it coincides with Ash Wednesday, something to which I have never really given much thought. Today has been different, my tutor, Liz Pearce led our group on a reflection of Ash Wednesday, Lent and Easter.

At the start of the session during prayer I got the words ‘before the throne of grace’ and had a sense of Jesus there amongst us, seated on his throne in the centre of our little circle. It was, and is, extremely powerful to consider that during this important time in the Christian calendar we recognise our sinfulness, where we are with God and that we deliberately come before his throne of grace asking for his grace, mercy and forgiveness.

As part of our reflection we read and considered a story by Revd. Sam Candler and what struck me most about this story – that you can read here: http://www.episcopalcafe.com/daily/church_year/ashes_and_wine.php – was the following paragraph: We are tainted, stained, by our constant falsehoods and wrong actions. We are a people who know better, but who make wrong choices. It was not someone else who made us do it. It was not the fault of Satan. We were not possessed by demons. It was not the fault of our parents. It was not the fault of society. It was not our peer group or the culture around us.

Sarah, one of the senior students in our group, talked about a change of attitude during Lent that was as important as giving something up.

We also talked at length about festivals – particularly Christmas – the true meaning and response to which having been replaced by a plastic effigy of what they really are. Emma talked about the importance of festivals as they give us the opportunity to reconnect with creation, something that in the west we have become very detached from.

For me I guess I can reflect on the following: that I am unprepared for Lent, yet again; that my current desire to reinstate certain festivals at SHBC is moving in the right direction; and that maybe just giving up the business of my life and spending time with God may be my correct response to Lent.

Today I shipped up to Seymour House residential home armed with an analysis of the football leagues and discussion on the current state of some of the resident’s football teams. Despite it being a topic many of them enjoy chatting about I was told that none of them were really interested in attending the Men’s Group.

I recall that when I first started this group just under a year ago I did so with reservations (I may have even written about them in my blog) and little has happened to make me change my mind. My premise was, and still is, that unlike women men do not really relish the thought of getting together in a group where ages, backgrounds and interests differ greatly to drink tea and have a chat. At Seymour House the youngest male resident is 65, the oldest is 104, each of them are very different and quite private gentlemen so trying to put them together artificially is a challenge, a challenge that I am failing in. However today, when I changed my plan’s and spent some time with the men individually, it was difficult to get away and I only managed to see three of the six residents in the space of two hours. The men seem so much more at ease on a one-to-one. 

With all that in mind why are we trying to get a Men’s Group working at Station Hill? For me there is a major difference, yes the group dynamics are the same as at Seymour, however we all have one thing in common: Our belief in Jesus Christ. This common bond that brings us together in brotherhood has a bearing not only on our private life at home, but also on our public life – such as at work – so as a group of Christian men by and large we face, have already faced, will be facing similar challenges and opportunities. Because of this dynamic meeting together as a group of 21st century Christian men to provide support, wisdom and anecdotes is of real value. Our last Men’s Group covered the topic of sex and it was real blessing to be able to talk through issues with a group of caring, non-judgemental individuals who were willing to make themselves vulnerable discussing a topic that is often taboo, but really does need to be discussed.

If you not on the “inside” so to speak it is really easy to misunderstand what it is to be a Christian and to misjudge us, thinking it all about rules and regulations and prohibitions, that we are boring and what we believe is irrelevant. The reality is that we are a group of people, with a common bond, forged in love on that cross, forged in a love that brings freedom. A group of people to whom relationships are paramount, firstly our relationship with God and then our relationship with others. If that’s deemed boring and irrelevant then I resemble that remark.

Today we said goodbye to Barbara Twidale at a service of Remembrance at Semington Crematorium. This lovely service celebrating the life of one of our sisters in Christ got me to thinking about a question I have wrestled with a couple of times: what about those who die and have no faith. I wont be asking this question in college again having been shot down by one of the liberal theologians when I asked this during our training on funerals. But I can’t help reflecting on today’s service for Barbara, which was a celebration of her life, a testament of her faith and an acknowledgement that she had gone to be with Christ. What about those who have denied Christ in their lives? For me the theology is quite clear: If we die having heard the message of Christ but do not accept Him as our saviour we do not have eternal life. It doesn’t matter how evil we have been or how good we have been if we have repented, made a commitment to Christ and then followed him then we have eternal life. Barbara made that committment and we were told that in the final days of her life, despite her suffering, she was comforted by the assurance that she would go to her reward. Perhaps that was why the funeral, despite being tinged with sadness, was one of hope and thanksgiving.

Somebody was taken ill during the service this morning and the preacher stopped what he was doing and got us to pray for the person. Those leading the service adlibbed a little with songs and prayers until the paramedics arrived to care for the person. It is a blessing that everything turned out ok for the person who was unwell, but it got me thinking about things. Firstly it was a blessing that it was Peter leading the service – a more experienced and wise person you would struggle to find – and secondly what would I have done in the situation?

I think we often ignore the reality of what is going on around us: we ask people to sing with joy when they may not have joy in their hearts; we ask people to cry out their praises to God when they would rather be lamenting; we can often expect people to be on a high with God when they are feeling really low. Sometimes I think we expect people to be unreal. I remember the first couple of times I led a service telling people that they should leave there baggage outside, that’s wrong, they need to bring all their baggage with them and lay it at His feet. It may upset our happy-clappy plans and notions but we need people to be real before God. I may feel great but maybe there are people in the congregation who feel awful. Why should I expect or insist that they come before God on my terms. And if I am feeling down but leading the service, then I should be true to how I feel, but then not expect people to be low as well – I have seen that happen as well.

Which is why I really liked what happened today, we got real, real life was going on around us and we responded to that. It blessed me, I am sure it blessed others and I think it would have blessed God.

This past week the benefits of learning New Testament Greek have come into sharp focus, I now appreciate even more the value of it and desire to continue with it as long I can. It is difficult, but we have to put in the effort if we wish to succeed. So what has led me to this place? During one of the lessons the lecturer gave us two passages in the New Testament of how understanding the Greek created more depth in the meaning. It didn’t mean that if you don’t know Greek you can’t understand what it meant, that would be a tragedy, it just meant that one could look at it in a different way. Let me try and explain. When I was in my 30′s I was doing a lot of work in Turkey, at that time I was a vegetarian and this caused a slight problem as my Turkish customers told me there was no word for vegetarian in Turkish. When we went to restaurants they spent some time explaining to the staff (who sometimes thought it was funny, sometimes weird and sometimes downright daft that I didn’t eat meat) that I didn’t eat meat. I asked one of my Turkish friends how I could easily explain this myself when on my own in the hotel, laughingly he said the closest he could get was to say “I am a vegetable.” Needless to say I didn’t use that phrase but my experience then shows that differences in languages, often influenced by culture, that are starting to illuminate the text of the New Testament for me a little more. It’s as if I have been given a brighter torch with which to read, the old one was sufficient, but the new one highlights some subtle things that were not shown by the older torch. I just hope I can continue to slog my way through the lectures and the homework (about 4 hours per week) so that I am able to access even more of this amazing language.

Earlier this week I wrote about our lecture on charismatic worship. The lady who took the lecture described herself as a charismatic evangelical but presented the topic in a very balanced manner and wore the label very lightly despite being heckled a little by both opposing views. She was in a ‘lose-lose’ situation I guess. However she was very good at bringing a little humour into the debate with video’s such as the one below, sometimes it good not to take ourselves too seriously.

Charismatic Worship

This entry might be a little controversial but then I have never been backward at coming forward. Let me start with a joke, I am sorry if you have heard this before: A man is walking along a cliff when he trips and falls over. Fortunately he grabs some vegetation and manages to halt what would be a fatal fall. While he is hanging there he prays; “God please come and rescue me.” A little while later a boat arrives at the bottom of a cliff. The occupants call to the with an offer to help, the man shoo’s them away. “My God will rescue me” he calls after them. Then a helicopter arrives to help, the man shoo’s them away also. Finally a rescue team arrives at the top of the cliff and the man, desperately hanging on, tells them to go away also “My God will rescue me” he shouts through clenched teeth. Eventually the man falls and dies and ends up in heaven where he asks for an audience with God, when he finally manages to speak to God he ask’s him “Father, I prayed to you, why didn’t you rescue me?” God looks at the man a little hurt “I did try to rescure you, I sent a boat, a helicopter and even a mountain rescue team!”

Since the beginning of September I have been taking part in a week of prayer and fasting at the start of every month. For the first three months those present had lots of visions, words and scripture, then in November it all started to dry up. Yet we are still asking “Lord what is our vision?” Perhaps in all that activity he has sent a boat, a helicopter and even a rescue team in response, we just haven’t realised it yet.

As part of our “Spirituality” module at college we are going through a book Tony Campolo and Mary Albert Darling called The God of Intimacy and Action; Reconnecting Ancient Spiritual Practices, Evangelism and Justice. This book is all about using different techniques to improve our spirituality and we are covering two chapters a week, each chapter led by a student. I don’t particularly like the book as it read’s like a typical American self-help book, it does have some interesting and sometimes useful content if you can ignore some of the narrative. This week it was my turn to lead the group and I was given a chapter with the title “Becoming God’s Friend”, for me it sounded like I was about to read a chapter designed for pre-school kids. The chapter was about the Lectio Divina – a method for reading the Bible – interesting thought it was I struggled to get away from the style that was quite prescriptive and very anecdotal if not a little condescending. In some ways I think books such as this can be dangerous; they can make people feel inadequate and unholy. I am sure this is not what is aimed out, but it is easy to fall into that trap.

This was followed by a lecture on “Charismatic Worship” which at best was an interesting introduction on the subject, at worst it was a cheesy venture into People Worship (“I had Tony Virgo stay at my house!!!”). I dislike labelling intensely and when I hear ‘I am a Evangelical Charismatic what are you?’ it really gets me on my soapbox, it’s not about giving or seeking labels, it’s about following Christ! But then I guess I don’t have a strong church background, most of my life has been spent in the wilderness, so I don’t think I have earned any specific label apart from that which may explain my personality rather than my spirituality or preference for worship/church “style.”

So today has been a bit of a journey through murky waters for me, but it is all part of the experience of learning. It is also about appreciating other people and their preferences and their personal journey with Christ.

For me the highlight was a vision I was given in chapel this morning. I was thinking about “Centring Prayer” where individually or as a group one sits still and quiet trying to focus on God (much like what we tried on Sunday last). With all the distractions of the world it is difficult to do this, there is so much noise!!! The picture I was given was of myself, I was sitting on a bench on the shore-side of a sea wall, the sea was really, really rough, really noisy, and– I don’t know if you have ever encountered an angry sea face to face –  quite scary. The massive waves were coming almost to the wall and the spray was stinging my face as I looked right into the waves. But I wasn’t just sitting on the bench, I was chained to it so that I could be touched, even washed over by the waves, but I couldn’t be moved. For me I got the impression that there was me, quiet and still, whilst all the power and awesome of the sea washed around me, but couldn’t move me or dislodge me. Oh that I was like that!

Recently i have been reading a book by Brother Lawrence a 16th century Caroline monk. It was a book recommended to me by David Later. The book is about practising the presence of God. Brother Lawrence challenges us to think about God constantly. I don’t consider myself a particularly holy person or a good Christian but i do think about God a lot, probably every hour of every day at least,like most of us i guess. What I struggle with is sitting quietly in the presence of God without petitioning him with a shopping list of wants. Yesterday in church was an attempt to do that and it seemed to go very well. There was a point in the service where I was tempted to just dwell in the presence of the Lord, to rip up my sermon and just wait. But I wasn’t feeling very brave, which is a little out of character so I just let the program continue. My prayer today is that I will be bold and follow my heart when situations like this present themselves again.